How to create depression in just 12 easy steps:
Please follow these instructions very carefully. If you don't do it right, you will ruin a perfectly good depression.
Turn everything that happens (good, bad or neutral) into a negative.
Be sure to say nasty things about yourself continuously in your head and occasionally out loud.
Judge everyone and everything, especially yourself.
Avoid all friends and remove all emotional supports.
Watch the news, play sad songs on the stereo, watch talk shows, depressing movies and other forms of dramatized tragedy.
Sit around, slouch in your chair and don't move to much. Avoid all exercise and fun activities.
Play mental-movies in your head constantly about bad things that have happened to you, or might happen to you.
Avoid smiling at all costs!
Be sure to compare what you have and how you are doing with others.
Turn being depressed into a life-style choice and make it part of your self-image.
Be sure to hang out with other negative people who can support your negative views.
Always play the victim-role. Remind yourself frequently that there is nothing you could ever do to make your life better in any way.
Disclaimer
: If for any strange reason you don't want to be depressed, and instead would like to be wonderfully happy - please reverse all these instructions!
Writer:
Paul J. Cline MA CAGS LMHC LADC
Owner of Advanced Counseling Services, Keene, NH (603) 357-1708
