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The  addicted  person's  world seems  strange,  twisted  and illogical to the outsider. I will not disagree that from a non-addicted  person's  rational view this is all true.  But  to  the using  person,  almost everything they do  makes perfect  sense, according to THEIR logic and circumstances. The key word here  is THEIR  logic.  If you try to figure it out using  your brand  of logic  you will fail, but if you use THEIR logic you  will  break through to a new world of understanding.

Lets break the logic down into different small sections so it is easier to understand.

Much  of  the  isolation, secretiveness,  lying,  change  in friends  and lack of communication is best explained by one  simple,  logical  fact - DRUG USE IS ILLEGAL!!! Illegal  activities require that you not tell others, or only hang around with  those who cannot tell on you because they are doing the same thing. How many  people would you tell about a crime you  commit  regularly? You might even be forced to lie about it to cover your crime and protect  your using. Lying is not about lying, it is  about  protecting  use! Drug use requires isolation, reduced communication and fosters a change in friends. The user often needs to be  away from you so they can use or obtain the drug. They are also pulled towards  using  friends as a source of drugs, or as a  source  of customers  if they are dealing. Using  friends appreciate and support the drug-using lifestyle, so the user will tend to  spend more time  with them than the family who opposes  their  using. Would you want to spend a lot of time with someone who hated what you  do  for work and tells you that you are  wasting  your  life doing  it?  When you add to this picture the shame  and  loss  of self-respect the user may be experiencing, the isolation  becomes even more understandable. The user often is dealing with a lot of shame and damaged self-esteem due to the lying, stealing, hiding, sneaking and loss of trust required by addict's usage.

Depression,  loss of motivation and personality changes  are also  common/classic. This makes perfect sense from a using  perspective because - MANY OF THE DRUGS USED ARE DEPRESSANTS!!! How could you not be depressed when  you regularly consume depressants? Alcohol, marijuana ("pot"),  barbiturates ("downers"), opiates (heroin, codeine), and tranquilizers  are  all depressants. All of these stay in your  system for several  days or weeks after use (except alcohol), so even  when they  haven't  used today or this week they are still under the drugs influence.

Marijuana is an excellent example. Although often mistakenly thought of as a "mild" or "experimental" drug it is actually 5 to 15 times stronger than the pot from the 60's and 70's.  Marijuana stays in the system for 7 days per dose ("joint"), and is detected  in  heavy users for up to 28-30 days  after use is discontinued. Marijuana  causes what is called "Anti-Motivational Syndrome,"  a severe  drop in motivation and depression due to its depressant effects.

The  person who uses these drugs generally finds themselves lacking  motivation, and this strikes many areas. They may  lack the  motivation  to  go to school, do homework, participate  in sports/activities,  do chores around the house, family events,  get up in  the morning,  to perform well at work, to shower, change clothes, or to carry on a real conversation.  The lack of motivation and depression can  become synergistic,  as they "practice" being unmotivated and  depressed they  get  better at it and come to accept it  as  their  natural state. This thought of being depressed/unmotivated is enhanced by being around using friends who are probably experiencing the same lows and reinforce this state as normal of "everyone."

Arguments are going to occur with any using person. For  one thing,  they  are  likely experiencing some  of  the  difficulties detailed  above  and are probably quite irritable, ashamed  and self-absorbed.  They may also be suffering from withdrawal, which can cause irritability, sleep disorders, paranoia  and  physical complaints (to name a few).

ARGUMENTS OFTEN OCCUR BECAUSE OF THE NEED TO USE! You  will immediately get into an argument with a using person if you get between  them and their using. Addicts feel they need to  use  to live!!! You would give someone the same resistance if they  kept you  away from food, water or air for too long! Addicts confuse using with survival - they don't feel they can live without their drug of choice. These people  are craving and hurting for their drug and it is very real.

Arguments  can also be used as a defense mechanism  to  help them get their way and have you back off. If you get an emotional outburst that seems a bit much for the situation, you are experiencing  this  strategy at work. Addicts use  variations  on  this theme,  some  will  use crying to get their  way,  guilt,  divert attention  onto someone else, or use bargaining. The goal is  the same: to  safeguard using or to avoid responsibility  for  their actions.

Lack  of  responsibility. More needs to be said  about  this feature of using. Addicts hate responsibility, it is part of the reason  they use. DRUGS ARE OFTEN USED TO AVOID PAINFUL  FEELINGS! Job  or school too much to deal with? SMOKE UP! YOU'LL FEEL  BETTER!  Get a DWI recently? GET DRUNK WITH FRIENDS AND TELL THEM HOW  THE  COP WAS OUT TO GET YOU! Parents,  teachers,  boss  or spouse getting to be a hassle? SNORT A LINE - YOU'LL FEEL BETTER! It  is  a vicious cycle where drugs are used to  avoid  the  pain caused  by  the drugs themselves. During this  whole  process of avoidance they avoid something else...THEMSELVES. It  has  often been said that when a addict starts using they stop growing. This is quite true, although I do not hold that  all growth  stops, obviously some does occur. The mental age does slow considerably and maturity can even reverse in some. The simple fact is that no growth  occurs while you are high or stoned or  intoxicated. Addicts  use  drugs to avoid feelings because it works!  It also causes  them to avoid growth and responsibility. Addicts need to avoid blame and responsibility for their actions so that they can justify their using and feel as if they can live with themselves. Addicts  would find their lives unbearable if  they  internalized all the guilt, shame and remorse their using has caused them.

ADDICTION WORKS BECAUSE DRUGS HAVE A LOT GOING FOR THEM! From both a pain and pleasure view point drugs have a lot going for them. First of all, drugs provide lots of pleasure, no  question, drugs work! They also work every time and quickly. There is peer-pressure to use them and they become a pleasant part of  the social environment. This is very much like when you relax over  a cup  of coffee or a glass of wine with a good friend (two  other drugs). As we discussed earlier, drugs can help you avoid painful emotions and problems (for while). Conversely, not using the drug can  cause painful withdrawal, insecurity, a loss of  life-style, self-image and  friends. You would also lose your main coping mechanism if you quit drugs - How would you deal with life?

To  the addict using drugs means MASSIVE PLEASURE and  quitting  means MASSIVE PAIN! This is why an addict needs to  have  a lot  of MASSIVE PAIN in their life that they can directly  relate to  their  using in order to quit, otherwise the  benefits  don't match the loss, so why do it?

ADDICTION HAS A SELF-PRESERVATION MECHANISM NEARLY AS STRONG AS YOUR INSTINCTIVE SELF-PRESERVATION MECHANISM!!! Addiction  can and will protect itself!!! Rational Recovery calls this addictive self-preservation  mechanism "THE BEAST!" That's as good a description as I've ever heard of this process. The Beast tells the addict  about all the pleasure using will provide, why they  need it badly, why they deserve it, and why everybody who tells  them to  quit is wrong. The Beast also tells the addict about all the pain  they will experience if they quit, how scary it  would  be, how alone they would be, and why they would fail if they even tried to quit. The  Beast will use any means available  to  maintain  its existence, ANY MEANS!!! This is why we must often use any means available  to  get our loved one's off drugs - even if  they  are difficult or seem hurtful. In growth, there is most often pain.

*SPECIAL  NOTE!!!!  It is best to THINK OF ADDICTION  AS  A SEPARATE ENTITY  FROM THE LOVED ONE!!! This concept  is  clearly demonstrated  in  the disease model of addiction. You  would  not blame  a  cancer patient for having cancer. You would not  think that  a cancer patient WAS cancer. The person and  the addiction are separate, but co-exist in the person.

Often it is helpful to imagine a large bandage on the forehead of the addicted person - to remind you that they are ill and the illness is often directing their actions and impairing their judgment. This is very similar to a patient with a head injury.

It is okay to LOVE THE PERSON, BUT HATE THE ADDICTION. It is possible to hate the addiction and battle it, while still  loving and  caring  for the person. This is much of what is  taught  at Al-Anon and ToughLove meetings and is a strategy for helping  the  addicted person. Addicted people are NOT "bad people trying to get good," but rather are "sick people trying to get well."

Addiction is a very powerful illness, but it is also one  of the  most treatable. Motivation is the key. When  the individual becomes  sufficiently motivated to seek help and apply  sustained efforts, recovery occurs. The  A.A. Big Book says "Remember that we deal with  alcohol (and  other drugs) - cunning, baffling and powerful." This is  an extremely confusing illness and it takes a lot of help and education to understand it - make use of all the resources you can.

This  is of course only a partial insight into some of  the more commonly perplexing features of addiction, but I hope it has been  helpful. Below are a list of groups that will provide  support, education, insight, understanding and resources.

Al-Anon Family Support Groups 1-800-344-2666

Nar-Anon Family Support Group 1-213-547-5800

ToughLove International 1-800-333-1069

A.A. (Ask for OPEN meetings)

Keene Area 357-4300

Concord Area 228-2558

Writer:

Paul J. Cline MA CAGS LMHC LADC

Owner of Advanced Counseling Services, Keene, NH (603) 357-1708